Caitlain's Corner Site Blog

CC Web Site Relocated

2007-12-10T11:24:00.000-05:00

We've moved the CC web site to a new server. Hopefully, this will increase the responsiveness of the site in general. If you encounter any errors (i.e., 404s, or other missing information), please drop me a line at caitlain at caitlainscorner dot com.

BOOK REVIEW: Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be

2007-11-12T10:19:00.000-05:00

I don’t do book reviews. Or, at least, I haven’t up to this point. I have almost 200 books in my personal library related to sexuality, and I’ve read each and every one of them to one extent or another. They run the gamut from the history of sexuality to sexual techniques to textbooks about reproductive biology and everything in between. Doing book reviews for every book I read would take so much time as to leave me with no time for anything else. I have come across a book, however, that begs for a review and a strong recommendation.

“Third Base Ain’t What it Used to Be,” by sex educator Logan Levkoff, is designed to be a guide for parents in how to deal with sexuality as their children grow up. And boy does it do just that. In fact, Ms. Levkoff’s views on this subject mirror mine on a point-for-point basis across the board. She advocates maintaining an open line of communication with a child beginning from birth, including using correct anatomical names for genitals, and sharing your personal values with your child as they grow older. The vast majority of parents barely address the subject of sexuality with their children to begin with, and a great many of those who do do so by simply providing a book on the subject or imparting a basic anatomy lesson about how the parts fit together. You don’t hand a kid a book on driving and expect them to go out and be good drivers, so why would you do that with something as important and life-affirming as their sexuality. Like it or not, your child is a sexual being – even at birth. If you fail to deal with that adequately as they grow up, you’re basically playing Russian roulette with their lives. This book will help you be a better, more responsible parent.

The book is very easy to read, and the author makes good use of humor - just enough to make reading it a delight, but not so much to reduce the impact of what she’s saying. And most importantly, she tackles some of the less talked about issues surrounding young people and sexuality, including those involving young women and their sexuality – a subject that is sorely misunderstood by just about everyone in today’s culturally-charged climate (including girls themselves).

Levkoff advocates female masturbation, and explains that failure to understand your own body will likely lead to a failure to understand your own sexuality and how it could feel in a sexual relationship. I have been a personal advocate of that because I know that the key to understanding anything is to get into the thick of things and get a hands-on feel for it. That includes your own body. Guys have absolutely no problem doing that – we need to encourage young women to do that as well. As an adjunct to that, she explains the significant defect in the understanding of many younger females about how they should view their own sexuality, especially as it relates to the guys. Parents of girls rarely advocate that and, in fact, have no idea that it needs to be done.

One critical point she addresses in her book is why fathers should remain emotionally close to their daughters at the onset of puberty and thereafter. Many tend to distance themselves during this period, for a variety of reasons (including the fact that they believe they might be seen as being pervy for paying attention to their physically developing daughters, which isn’t surprising given the media’s coverage of the subject). If a father suddenly begins to distance himself from a daughter he’s been so close to for the first decade of her life, she’s going to sense a problem (that problem being the withdrawal of male affection she’s experienced for so long) and many will seek to find that in other ways, including some that may be personally damaging. She lets fathers know that there’s nothing wrong with showing affection to their daughters. I was also glad to see her point out how incredibly creepy “purity balls” are. It’s one thing to want to be a father to your daughter and help her make positive, life-affirming decisions; it is another altogether to be infatuated with the idea of controlling her hymen until the day she gets married or imparting to her that her value to you is based upon the status of her virginity – what kind of message does that send? If you want your daughter to make good decisions about sex, teach her how to make sound, rational decisions in general and provide her with the requisite knowledge and tools to do so. I will guarantee you that will translate into sound decision-making regarding sexuality, and will have additional benefits far beyond that.

One little moment that took me back a few years was an anecdote about her having flipped between the Playboy channel and another “cleaner” channel on her TV in case the cable company monitored how much time was spent on a particular channel and would notify her parents. I went through that exact same thought process when I was 12 or so, though with the racier weekend night shows on Cinemax and HBO – we didn’t have the Playboy Channel in the good old south.

I was about ready to disagree with her on her assertion that simply providing condoms for your kid’s use was tantamount to telling them they were “…old enough to have sex, but not old enough to be responsible.” At the last minute she surprised me, though, and put a note box in place where she qualified what she said with the fact that having condoms available in the house would alleviate the excuse of not having them because they didn’t plan to have sex. I’ve long been an advocate for having condoms available for their use, but she’s even made me re-think that position.

I do wish she’d spent a bit more time talking about what to tell children about what they see in porn. She does address porn in general terms, but I felt as though she could’ve been a bit more forthcoming in dealing with it. For example, you just about can’t watch porn these days without seeing an “ass-to-mouth” blowjob and the ubiquitous facial ejaculation. I didn’t expect her to mention these (or any) specific sex acts in porn, but I would have liked to have seen her address the fact that one thing that should be discussed about porn is the nature of the types of acts seen in them and how they relate to safe and consensual sex practices, along with discussion about the role that porn plays in developing children’s sense of what sex is supposed to be like (and how to address that). While I think porn has a viable place in sexuality in general, I also know that many young people get their ideas of what sex is “supposed to be like” from watching porn. If you as a parent don’t explain that porn is purely sexual fantasy and that what takes place on video is to real sex what most action films are to real life, they’re going to get a distorted view of how people (women, especially) like their sex. That’d be a hard conversation to have, but it is critical if you know or suspect your child may be watching porn (and trust me, s/he is or will).

There are a lot of good “question and answer” segments in the book to help you address specific questions your child might have. Incredibly, she doesn’t tell you *what* to say so much as *how* to formulate an answer. She does an excellent job of helping the parent figure out how to impart their values while not imparting hers into the parents reading the book. My absolute favorite and the best line in the book has to be: “What is it called if someone has two mommies (or two daddies)?” Levkoff’s response is priceless: “It’s called a family.” Indeed. Levkoff spends some time explaining how to deal with a child questioning their sexual orientation (and make no mistake, the vast majority of them do these days), as well as ensuring that they understand that not all families are designed like the stereotypical “1950s family.”

As good as the book is I did find a few small errors that you should be aware of. First, she recommends AVERT’s age of consent website for information about age of consent laws and information on contraceptive laws (availability of contraceptive services to minors). AVERT goes through periods where its age of consent information is erroneous and outdated, and it has no information at all about laws related to minors obtaining contraceptives. Not to toot my own horn, but my site provides both in a continuously updated fashion – I keep on top of the laws regarding reproductive health and those pages are updated every time a law is changed.

She also states that emergency contraception (EC) is good only for 72 hours post intercourse, when the fact of the matter is that it is now recommended for up to 120 hours after sexual intercourse (though, to be fair, even the manufacturer’s web site still states that it is only effective up to 72 hours afterward). I also wish she had advocated getting a female child a prophylactic dose of EC just in case – that is one of those things that, like any other insurance policy, is better to have and not need than to have to try to find it if your daughter even tells you that something unexpected happens.

Finally, she makes a statement regarding statutory rape that the decision to press charges was up to the parents, and that’s not true. The state (through the attorney general) is the one who decides whether or not criminal charges are filed in such instances. In many cases, they may seek the counsel of or defer to the decision of the parents, but the final decision rests with the prosecutors.

One other little oddity that caught my attention was in the section entitled, “And if you find your child masturbating.” Levkoff reverts to explaining the response operating under the assumption that you’d only find your male child masturbating (using the pronoun “he” throughout, as opposed to a non-gendered or mixed-gendered approach). This is more ironic than anything else, since it comes right after she spends considerable time explaining the importance of female masturbation.

The bottom line is that this book is written with the sense of understanding that can only come from someone who’s been in the trenches talking to young people, and understands the incredible lack of sexual knowledge and awareness that permeates the child and adolescent world in the era of “abstinence only” indoctrination. She uses that experience to try to help parents address the subject of sexuality in an honest, straight-forward manner – something that those of you who know me know that I have long advocated myself. I am so grateful to my parents for teaching me “real world” information about sexuality, when I know that the overwhelming majority of parents don’t. If that is something you don’t know how to do or just want to double check your knowledgebase, get a copy of “Third Base Ain’t What It Used to Be.” If it were up to me, this book would be required reading for every parent – it’s that good.

NEW INFORMATION: Sex Laws in Canada

2007-11-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

I've added information to the State Law Information Center about the sex laws in Canada. You can find it HERE.

NEW ARTICLE: Homologous Reproductive Structures

2007-11-10T23:57:00.000-05:00

I have a new article up about homologous reproductive structures. These are the different structures in males and females that form from the same embryonic tissue. For example, the head/glans of the penis and the glans of the clitoris come from the same tissue that originally forms in the embryo. They differentiate as the embryo becomes male or female.

With all of the differences between males and females, it is sometimes hard to imagine that we all started out identically. When fertilization occurs, the egg, which contains an “X” chromosome from the mother, and the sperm, which may contain an “X” or a “Y” chromosome, from the father, unites. If the sperm contained the “X” chromosome, the baby will be born genetically female. Conversely, if the baby receives the “Y” chromosome, the baby will be born genetically male.

Read more...

NEW ARTICLE: Orgasm Headaches

2007-11-10T23:55:00.000-05:00

There's a new article on orgasm headaches, an affliction that affects a great many people from time to time.

Orgasm headache, medically known as orgasmic cephalalgia, is the onset of an intense, throbbing, bilateral (both sides of the head, front or back) headache prior to or just as an orgasm is occurring. Though they can be intense, they are benign and pose little threat to you other than severe discomfort and perhaps a psychological interference with sexual confidence. It is not uncommon for someone who experiences these for the first time to rush to the emergency room believing that something major is happening in their head.

Read more...

NEW: Recommend Caitlain's Corner

2007-09-22T22:23:00.000-05:00

I've added a feature that allows you to send an e-mail to a friend recommending they visit the Caitlain's Corner web site. Feel free to use it to notify others you think might find some use of the information on the site.

NEW: Access the CC Web Site on Your PDA

2007-09-22T21:29:00.000-05:00

I've added code to the site that formats it for most PDAs.

Now, when you're in the middle of having sex with your partner, and want to try that new position you saw on the site, but can't remember it, you can bring it up, complete with photos on your Blackberry, Treo, or most other PDA devices.

NEW ARTICLE: Ass-to-Mouth Oral Sex

2007-09-14T17:32:00.000-05:00

Anyone who's watched any significant amount of porn is familiar with "ATM" or ass-to-mouth sex. This is where someone is penetrated anally and then goes down on the cock that was just in his/her ass without cleaning it off. The thought of this disgusts a lot of people, but it has become common enough that it has entered the discussions of non-porn sex. Over the past few months, the questions I get about the topic have grown dramatically, so I thought I'd write an article that explains what it is, why it is done, and the health risks associated with it.

You can find the article HERE.

I'd appreciate any comments anyone has on the subject as well. Is this something that even fascinates you, something you'd do under the right circumstances, or something you'd never do, period?

New Site Design

2007-08-24T19:36:00.001-05:00

I have changed the design template for the web site. Hopefully, this will solve the problem with the folks who were having trouble clicking links in some version of Internet Explorer.

If you still have problems with links, contact me using the web site and let me know.

NEW ARTICLE: Your Senses and Sex

2007-07-19T18:45:00.000-05:00

I've added a new article about using your senses during sex. I happen to be a *very* sensually-oriented person when it comes to sex. I adore the feelings, the smells, the sounds, etc., that you find only during a sexual encounter. So I took a portion of a newsletter I get from Sheila Kelly (see the article), and expanded it to include specific exercises that will help you pay more attention to the individual senses during a sexual encounter.

Read the article...

NEW ARTICLE: Rough Sex

2007-07-10T20:49:00.000-05:00

Countless surveys on a variety of websites indicate the vast majority of respondents prefer the "rougher flavor of sex" to "soft, gentle 'making love'." While it is occasionally nice to have the warm, sensual lovemaking sessions, it is often the rougher, wilder, fucking that many people enjoy as their usual form of sex play.

Some people are quite content with basic, "vanilla" sex; even on a long-term basis; they rarely deviate from one or two basic sex positions, and perhaps never push any of their personal boundaries. Many people, however, like to push the envelope. Perhaps it is their own personal need to find new ways to enjoy sex, or maybe it has to do with something in the way they were brought up. Regardless of the reasons, some people like to explore some increase in intensity in their sexual activities. Vigorous or rough sex allows them to do that.

Read more...

New Site Design

2007-07-10T20:32:00.000-05:00

I have changed the design template for the web site. Hopefully, this will correct the issue that some people were having with links not working for those using Internet Explorer.

If you have trouble with links not working, please use the contact links on the web site and let me know what browser and version you're using.

Thanks for your patience.

UPDATED: Sexually Transmitted Infections

2007-06-29T16:54:00.001-05:00

I have completely updated and reformatted the section on Sexually Transmitted Infections. All of the articles now have a common format, new photos (most are NSFW), and updated statistical information.

You can find the STI section HERE.

NEW ARTICLE: Fordyce Spots

2007-06-29T16:48:00.000-05:00

I've written a short article about Fordyce Spots, Pearly Penile Papules, and some other concerns about the penis. Size is the topic most often discussed, but these issues are often brought up because guys just don't know what these are and that they're normal.

The article (w/ NSFW photos) can be found HERE!

Updated Article: Birth Control

2007-06-29T16:45:00.000-05:00

I've completed updated the section on birth control, to include the latest figures about efficacy (taken from the 18th Edition of the book, Contraceptive Technology), advantages/disadvantages, etc.

The Birth Control section is HERE.

I completely rehashed the article on the birth control pill, too, including information about the differences between the monophasic and triphasic pills. You can find it HERE.

I've also added an article on Implanon, the new implantable contraceptive.

New Article: The Sexual Response Cycle

2007-06-20T20:44:00.000-05:00

I've put together an article on the Sexual Response Cycle. The "sexual response cycle" is a phrase used to describe the emotional and physiological processes the body goes through as a person becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities. The article explains the physiology that goes into your experience during sex. It is fairly lengthy, but it has to be in order to get all of the information across. It covers both the male and female perspectives, and explains the differences in the way orgasms work in the two genders.

You can find the article HERE.

Site Update

2007-06-20T20:38:00.000-05:00

Couple of issues related to the site.

It has come to my attention that some of the tests in the Testing Center aren't working for some people. I am going to be replacing the Testing Center with a new version during the July 4 break, so just hang loose. Thanks to Rachel over at Women's Health Network for the tip on this. If you get the chance, check out her site - it has a wealth of resources related to women's health. It is one of my "go to" sites when I need to find a source for something.

I've added a "Last Update" notice to all of the articles on the web site. This will let you know how old the material is on any given article.

I will also be doing a site redesign during the July 4 week. We've been unable to remediate the issue some IE users are having with not being able to click on some links, so we're going to redesign the whole template.

New Article: Facials

2007-06-03T19:33:00.000-05:00

The term "facial" is a semi-slang term used to describe the act of a guy ejaculating on a partner's face. The source of interest in this activity if, of course, porn. Because of the huge number of questions I was responding to about the subject, I thought it make for a good article.

What is a "facial?"

"Facial" is basically a slang term for a guy cumming or ejaculating on a partner's face. With the increasingly common appearance of the facial in adult videos, they've become a more common subject of conversation regarding sexual fantasies these days. Why would anyone want to do this, and what do you need to know about them?

Why would a guy want to come on my face?

Quite simply, because he’s seen it in porn. Porn is one of the biggest sources of sexual fantasy fodder, and one of the most popular endings to sex scenes in porn these days is the facial. So, naturally, people tend to get a bit curious about what it would be like and it becomes embedded in their fantasies. For most people, it is something that ignites their imagination and makes them wonder if it’d feel as good or be as hot as it looks. Read more...

Server Move Completed

2007-04-28T07:58:00.000-05:00

We have relocated the CC Web Site and the Forums to a new hosting site. Hopefully, this will cut down on the number of database problems we've been having with the previous host. For some reason, they aren't monitoring their disk usage and the drive holding the databases would max out at 100% capacity. Idiots.

Anyway, the move is complete. We're still tweaking the settings to allow the site to operate at peak efficiency, so you may still occasionally encounter an error from time to time over the next couple of weeks. Just be patient with us.

Thanks! <3

Sex Education for the Ages

2007-04-24T19:22:00.000-05:00

I've added a section to the "Parents" portion of the web site that explains how to address sex education with children beginning as early as the age of three. All of this material comes from a publication called "No Place Like Home....for Sex Education." That was written by an educational specialist who works for the Southern Oregon branch of PP. I received permission to reprint the publication on the web site, and have divided it up into individual chunks based upon age/grade. I retitled the series "Sex Education for the Ages" on the CC web site, though. :p

The section itself can be found HERE

Here is an example article - this one is written about the subject of sexuality and the three year old.

Sex Education??? My Child’s Only 3 Years Old!

...well then, already s/he has received a wealth of messages about sexuality - three years worth, in fact. Just think about it:

· When infants are touched and cuddled, they learn that they are lovable.

· Choices of clothing (pink vs. blue), toys (dolls vs. trucks), and playtime activities (tea party vs. baseball) all present messages about male/female roles and expectations.

· Seeing a brother, sister, or parent in the shower teaches about physical differences between males and females.

· A parent’s willingness (or lack thereof) to respond openly and honestly to the question, "How did the baby come out?" conveys an attitude about the subject of sex.

The fact is you have been educating your child about sex all along, through your words as well as through your silence; in your verbal and non-verbal communication. Your responses and reactions have taught your child a great deal about sexuality - not only in terms of information, but also in terms of your values and attitudes.

You cannot avoid being your child’s primary and most important sex educator... nor would you want to. As a parent, you exert a most powerful influence over your child’s sexual attitudes and development. The family experiences you shape, from the moment your child is born, help determine the extent to which s/he develops positive, healthy feelings about sexuality. Yet the thought that sex education begins at birth is, for many, a novel idea. The unsuspecting parent may allow several formative years to pass before the realization sets in: children - even very young children - deserve thoughtful, purposeful sexuality education. As parents more consciously attend to that education, they prepare their children to face the challenges - and sexual choices - that lie ahead.

OK - When My Child Asks, Then We’ll Talk

...but will you recognize the asking? Children are interested in sexuality long before they can verbalize the questions. For example, a pre-schooler may want to watch daddy in the shower or touch mommy’s pregnant belly. These are ideal "teachable moments" to pass along lessons on anatomy, reproduction and birth.

When parents take advantage of such opportunities, they not only provide important factual information, but also affirm their willingness to discuss sexual issues with their children. This helps establish an atmosphere of comfort and trust which encourages children to seek additional sexual information from parents in the future.

You needn’t worry about telling your child "too much too soon." S/he will simply absorb what s/he can and show boredom with the rest (you know the signs: glazed eyes, yawning, leaving the room...). Your comments are not wasted. S/he may not have gotten all the detail, but clearly the message is "mom and dad are ‘askable’."

Danger lies not in "too much too soon," but in "too little too late." When parents recognize the asking and respond openly and lovingly, they are well on the way to providing quality family sex education.

Of Storks and Cabbage Patches

A 3-year-old’s view of the world is a very literal one. For example, when told that a baby is growing in mommy’s tummy, a child may ask, "Why did she eat the baby?" The vision is one of a baby mixed with food in mommy’s stomach. Anything other than truthful, simple answers only creates confusion.

Beyond confusion, a sense of mistrust may develop when a child, told by her parents that the stork brought her, later discovers the truth. Through all this, the message implied is that sex is negative - and not an OK subject to talk about openly, honestly.

Concocting fables in response to children’s sexual questions is a disservice to them. Their questions deserve truthful answers -scaled to their level of understanding, of course.

For example, when a young child asks, "Where did I come from?", a parent may at first say, "What a fine question! Do you have any ideas about that?" This accomplishes three things: it clarifies what the child is really asking (s/he may simply mean "what city," in which case you’re off the hook); it buys the parent some time to collect his/her thoughts; and it provides a sense of how much the child already knows.

The second response can be something simple, and honest: "You started as a tiny egg inside mommy’s body." This alone may well satisfy the child (although probably not), yet it leaves the door open for further discussion.

The point is: honesty really is the best policy. There’s certainly no need at this stage to deliver a lengthy description of intercourse, conception and birth. That’s not what your 3-year-old is interested in now. S/he just wants some basic information.

So relax. For the young child, sex doesn’t have the same emotional significance as it does for an adult. Keeping this in mind can be a great help to parents as they encounter their children’s normal sexual curiosities.

Is Your Sexism Showing?

During the pre-school years, parents have perhaps the greatest opportunity to influence their children’s sexual attitudes - including ones about sex role expectations. It’s a wonderful time to plant the seed that both boys and girls are capable of just about anything they wish.

When parents are careful to avoid stereotyping male/female roles, children learn that their life options need not be limited by gender. This does wonders for their self-esteem.

Take advantage of the many simple opportunities to broaden your child’sperspective with regard to sex role expectations:

· Share household chores.

· Allow and encourage children to play with toys and take part in games that cross traditional lines - it’s fine for boys to play with dolls and girls to play football.

· Read non-sexist literature to your child - with males and females portrayed in a variety of roles.

· Pay attention to language implying sex role limitations (ie. "fireman" vs. "firefighter"). Use "he or she" in reference to doctors, nurses, etc. It’s awkward, but makes an important point.

Simplistic? Pointless? Don’t let the subtlety fool you. When parents refuse to pigeonhole male/female expectations, they allow a child’s "self" to blossom.

An Ear Is An Ear...

... and a penis is a penis, not a "wee-wee;" a vagina is a vagina, not a "down there." When parents use incorrect names for sexual body parts, the message is that they are somehow different or that there is something wrong or unmentionable about them. Often this results in children learning to be embarrassed or ashamed of their genitals.

Studies have shown the value of teaching children the proper names for sexual body parts. Aside from promoting a positive sexual attitude, accurate terminology can at times become especially important. For example, if a child is trying to describe an injury or inappropriate sexual touch, s/he needs to be equipped with language more precise than "down there."

Frequently a child may refer to sexual body parts using terms s/he's heard from friends. It's perfectly fine to say something like, "Some people call it a "wee wee," but that's just a made-up word. The real name is "penis" and that's the word we like you to use."

Such a simple, matter of fact response may seem somewhat trivial to us. To a child however, it's an important lesson - one that encourages respect and a healthy attitude toward his body and sexuality in general.

What's That???

At age 3, a child is intensely curious about bodies - and not just her own. There's particular fascination with sex differences and body functions. This interest may be demonstrated in a variety of ways: "playing doctor," wanting to watch mom/dad in the bathroom, genital play, comparing body parts to other gender friends or siblings.

About this time, a girl begins to wonder what happened to her penis, and a boy wants to know "what those are" (pointing to mommy's breasts). Opportunities abound for sharing information on sexuality, growth and development.

Q. What happened to my penis?

A. You never had one. Only a boy has a penis. A girl has a clitoris.

Q. Can I see where the baby came out of you?

A. The baby came out through an opening between my legs called the vagina. I prefer not to show you my vagina because it's a private part of my body. Would you like to look at a book on how babies are born’

Q. Why does Paul stand up to pee, and I have to sit?

A. It's easier for girls to urinate sitting down. Their "pee" - the real name is urine - comes out through a small opening near the vagina. A boy urinates from his penis.

Q. Can I have a baby when I get big?

A. Only a woman can have a baby, Johnny. She has a special place in her body called the uterus where the baby grows. Daddies help to make a baby. You can be a daddy when you grow up if you want to.

These are just some ideas on how a parent might respond. You will decide for yourself how you wish to handle your child's questions.

The point is, children are seeking basic information at this stage, and deserve simple, honest answers. The important thing is for parents to respond in a supportive manner. It's a nice time to get a little practice. Take advantage of the easy questions now... it will help you respond to the hard ones later.

Show Me Yours and I'll Show You Mine...

Hmmm. Your 3-year-old Jenny and her little friend Will are playing quietly upstairs - too quietly. What are those kids up to?

Uh-oh. Jenny's door is closed. Resisting the urge to waltz right in (you've been teaching her about privacy these days - respecting closed doors and all that), you knock. Giggling bubbles up from within Jenny's room, and you think you hear a faint "come in"... so you do.

There stand Jenny and Will thoroughly enjoying that classic preschool pastime, "playing doctor." They have shed their clothes and are busily examining each other. Now what do you do?!

You could respond with shock and anger: "What are you two doing? Put your clothes on right now, and don't ever let me catch you at that again! Will, I'm taking you home!" Message: The children are bad; curiosity about bodies is wrong; nudity is wrong. This of course leaves the children feeling confused, ashamed and hurt. After all, they were just displaying a normal 3-year-old interest in bodies.

Perhaps you remain unruffled and acknowledge the children's curiosity: "It looks like you two are interested in how boys' and girls' bodies are different. While you put your clothes on, I'll get a picture book we can look at that explains all about bodies." Message: It's ok to be curious about bodies; I prefer you keep your clothes on; I'm willing to help you learn.

There are a number of ways a parent might react to this type of situation. When choosing your response, remember to see the behavior from a child's eye view. Pre-school children are fascinated with bodies. Their desire to check out the differences between "yours and mine" is a natural part of their developing sense of self and sexual identification.

Since "playing doctor" is universally popular among young children, it's likely you'll be dealing with it in your own family. Plan your response ahead of time, keeping in mind the messages you wish to express. In this way, rather than reacting in a kneejerk, perhaps negative manner, you can offer a thoughtful, positive response.

A final thought ... no matter how you deal with this situation, it's important to discuss it with the other child's parents. They may or may not agree with how you handled things, but will appreciate being informed. It gives them a chance to convey their own family values and beliefs to their child.

HELP!!!

Relax. There's a lot of help out there... in the form of books, films, classes, and resource people. Community schools and colleges may offer parenting classes which include sexuality education. Planned Parenthood is an excellent source of speakers, books and pamphlets. Your local health department, private physicians, family counselors and members of the clergy often have valuable insights into family-based sexuality education.

For 3-year-olds and their parents, several good books are available. Preview before using them with your child:

Did the Sun Shine Before You Were Born? Sol & Judith Gordon

Bellybuttons are Navels, Mark Schoen

Talking With Your Child About Sex, Dr. Mary S. Calderone and Dr. James W. Ramey

There's a Time and Place ... Or Is There?

Pre-school children fondle their genitals for many reasons. They may be sleepy or bored, nervous or upset... and it's comforting; they may be in circle time listening to a story, or engrossed in a TV show. Pre-school children also fondle their genitals because it feels good. If parents find this hard to acknowledge, perhaps it's in the challenge of accepting that children are sexual beings.

Masturbation is a normal part of development. Most experts agree that this can be a healthy expression of sexuality, regardless of age. However, some people disapprove of masturbation for religious or other reasons.

The way in which parents react to their child's genital play is important. Punishing, scolding, or pulling the child's hand away sends a message that the genitals are bad or dirty. It can foster guilt, shame and embarrassment.

Parents who disapprove of masturbation could explain to their child - calmly and lovingly - that they believe this behavior isn't acceptable. Simply telling the child, "STOP THAT!" is rarely effective; neither is trying to distract them with another activity.

Many parents do not object to their child's genital play, yet feel compelled (and rightfully so) to discourage its occurrence say, in the middle of the grocery store. It's perfectly fine to say something like: "Sara, I know it feels good when you touch your genitals. And it's something you do in private - not where other people can see you." This sends out a message about appropriate behavior and respect for others. At the same time, sexuality is kept in a positive light.

Parents who accept masturbation may worry that their child is "doing it too much." Children will stop when they are satisfied, or if they become physically uncomfortable. Compulsive masturbation - compulsive anything - may indicate a problem. If a parent notices his child is masturbating to the point where it interferes with other normal activities, it is time to consult a physician or other professional.

The "Askable" Parent

Attending to your child's sex education may be an awesome task. The reality is, you are the ideal person for the job. After all, you can best convey the family values and beliefs surrounding this issue. Keep in mind a few tips to smooth the journey:

· Parents: talk with one another about the messages you want to give to your child about sex.

· Anticipate sexual questions and behaviors. Plan and practice your responses.

· Answer questions as they arise. Replies such as "Not now" and "You don't need to know that" teach children it's not OK to ask. You can delay a discussion with "This isn't a good time now. Let's talk after dinner." Then follow through!

· Tell your child if you're embarrassed. A comment like "This is hard for me to talk about, but I'm willing to try" is wonderful! S/he will appreciate your honesty.

· Answer simply and honestly, leaving the door open for further discussion.

· Initiate discussion about sex. Ask, "Have you ever wondered about how you were born?"; use picture books; visit a pregnant friend.

· Use everyday events as "teachable moments" for passing along family messages about sexuality.

Your child's initiation into the lifetime process of sexual learning can be wonderful or difficult.

You get to choose.

IE Users and the new web site design

2007-04-24T19:21:00.000-05:00

A handful of people have contacted me to indicate that they cannot click on anything on the new web site. The one thing they all have in common is that they're using IE (usually IE6).

We're looking into the problem and hopefully we'll have a resolution in the not too distant future. I do know that no one using Firefox is having any problems with it. ;-)

New Main Site Design

2007-04-19T18:06:00.000-05:00

I unveiled the newly redesigned web site this morning. It features a much more professional and robust interface, and is a bit easier to navigate. It will also allow for a much better integration of the various components that make up the CC web enterprise!

If you haven't checked it out, do it!!!

New Article: Guide to Female Ejaculation

2007-04-14T21:49:00.000-05:00

I've added a new article to the web sit about female ejaculation, or "FE." FE is a contentious subject among sexuality professionals, but I've been with women who do indeed ejaculate, so I know for a fact it exists. Not all can do it, however, and the whole concept seems "weird" to many people, so I can understand why some may not believe that it really happens. The article itself teaches women how to learn to ejaculate if they can.
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Female ejaculation (FE) is a contentious, even scandalous subject. The very mention of the word ejaculation in the context of female sexuality confuses both men and women. Many people associate ejaculation with the expulsion of semen from a man’s penis, however women also have the capacity to expel a quantity of fluid when properly aroused and stimulated, and even though most women will never experience this, it is possible to learn how to make it happen.

Read more...

New Article: Dental Dams: A Tutorial

2007-04-14T21:44:00.000-05:00

I've added an article/tutorial to the web site about dental dams. Dental dams are latex/plastic barriers that can be used to protect one from acquiring diseases during oral sex on females. The illustrated tutorial is courtesy of Safer Sex Satisfaction at MySpace.

Dental dams were originally designed for use in dental procedures. They can be used to help reduce your risk of transmission of STI's and HIV. Although the risk is lower with oral sex, it is still very possible. Do not brush your teeth, eat, or do anything else that might cause small cuts or abrasions in the mouth before going down on your partner(s.) Dental dams can be used on any part of the body that can pass HIV or STI's. This includes oral sex on the genital area or the anus. This tutorial shows just one possibility. We use an apple to simulate the body part we have chosen for this tutorial. If you want to practice, all you need to do is take an apple or other object that most closely represents what you are using the dam on, and we have cut it here into a more folded shape to show how the dam can be adhered with lubricant to make it more enjoyable and fun!

Read more...

CC Site Wiki Added

2007-04-14T21:42:00.000-05:00

I have added a Wiki to the CC web site. This will serve as the Help system for both the web site and the discussion board.

Additionally, we will also be adding a sexuality Glossary to the Wiki in the near future.