Talk about sex routinely, not just
when something is wrong. If every time
you bring up the subject it is about
something wrong, then your partner will
begin to fear discussions about sex. Use
something a basis for it if you have to.
Porn works well for this because it puts
sex out there where both of you can see
it and discuss what is going on.
Educate yourself about sex. Make
sure you know as best you can how to do
“stuff” in bed. If you perform oral on
your partner, learn how to do it
correctly – find out about how other
people do it, like it, etc. Even if you
think you know what you’re doing,
there’s always room to learn new tricks.
The Internet is an awesome source of
information (esp. on sex! Lol) And make
sure your partner knows that you are
okay with him/her searching the net for
information on how to make sex better
for both of you. There are a lot of
differences in sexuality between the two
sexes – make sure both of you are aware
of them! An educated sexy person is less
likely to be a source of problems with
it in the bedroom IMHO.
If you have to discuss something
that your partner is doing wrong, always
include or stress the positive side of
what he/she is doing as well – don’t
focus on just the negative. Instead of
saying, “I don’t like the way you give
head,” try something along the lines of,
“I love it when you play with my nuts
while you’re sucking my cock, but how
about next time maybe try focusing on
the head of my dick just a little bit
more and see how that feels for me?” If
you’d like improvements in multiple
areas, only bring up one at a time so
your partner doesn’t think they *really*
suck in bed!
Ask your partner while you’re having
sex if what you’re doing is good, or if
they’d like it done a little
differently. Experimentation is a lot of
fun during sex, and even if you’re not
doing something wrong, your partner may
want you to try something new! Try it
and see what happens!
Make SURE you listen to your partner
and try to accommodate his/her requests.
Effective communication is a two-way
street. If you expect your partner to
listen to you, you must listen to
him/her as well.
If you want to try something that
you feel your partner might find weird,
try to find something about it on the
Internet (again, porn….?) and “stumble”
across it while you’re surfing together.
Look at it for a minute or two and tell
your partner that it is something you
might be interested in trying. Be
prepared for him/her to have other
feelings about it, however, and honor
his/her wishes to not try something.
Negotiation can be helpful here as well.
For example, a lot of guys want to try
anal sex with their girl. In some
instances, the girl might not want to
try it because of a fear of that huge
penis in her butt and the attendant pain
that it might involve. A negotiated
solution might be for the girl to allow
him to use just a small finger. And, of
course, that can work the other way as
well.
Be honest with each other. If you
don’t like doing something, tell your
partner. You are one half of the
equation when it comes to sex, and you
have just as much right to be satisfied
as your partner does. If you’re not
truthful about what trips your trigger
and what doesn’t, then you have no right
to complain. Be careful, though.
Everyone has an ego, and sexuality is
one of those areas that is *very* close
to the surface and is easily bruised. If
you damage someone’s sexual ego, you run
the risk of them becoming afraid to
perform, and you can damage your
relationship.
Positive reinforcement is an awesome
thing! If your partner does something
new or different that really does it for
you, freaking tell them! And take
responsibility for your own desires – “I
would like it if you’d suck my balls,”
rather than, “You should suck my balls.”
That helps it sound like you’re enjoying
what is happening and not focusing n
what your partner is doing wrong, or not
doing at all.
As for tips on “how” to bring up the
subject of sex, that is just plain,
basic communication. Communication is a
learned skill, not something that comes
naturally to most people. You’ll have to
figure out how to communicate with your
partner on an individual basis – no one
can do that for you (or they shouldn’t
be doing it, anyway.) Talking about sex
can be embarrassing to most people. The
simple fact of the matter, however, is
that you’re going to have to get over
your embarrassment and discuss it. If
you’re intimate enough to exchange
bodily fluids, then you should be able
to talk about what you’re doing to each
other. If you can’t discuss it, perhaps
you should reconsider whether or not
you’re mature enough to be having sex in
the first place.
