My principles for a happy,
healthy sexuality. Primarily from the female point of view, but most of it
is applicable to guys as well.
1. ALWAYS practice safe sex: Even if you’ve been friends with
someone for a while, you may still not know their sexual history. Until your
partner is tested and you know they’re clean, you must assume that they
might be carrying something. Better safe than risk being infected with
something that will follow you your entire life – you’ll never be able to
fully enjoy sex again. Ever. Be safe!
 2. You must communicate. You must be comfortable talking about sex
with your partner. Being able to tell your partner what feels good, what
doesn’t, where to touch you, how to touch you, etc., is *the* single
greatest mechanism you can use to ensure a happy sex life. Humans can’t read
minds, so if something is not working for you, if you don’t tell your
partner, how is he/she going to know? Keep in mind that communication also
involves knowing when NOT to say something. Never criticize/critique a
partner’s performance while still in the bed. You must also check your ego
at the bedroom door – don’t get upset that someone tells you that you need
to do something differently. Learn from it and use it to make sure your
partner is that much more satisfied the next time.
3. You must know your body. Masturbation is a perfectly healthy,
normal thing to do for both sexes. If you don’t masturbate, you don’t know
what parts of your body are your sexual trigger points, and it makes sex
with a partner that much harder in terms of satisfaction. There is *no*
legitimate reason not to masturbate.
4. Enjoy the sensuality of sex. Learn to enjoy the full range of your
senses during sex. There are unique smells, tastes, sounds, touches, and
sights that are only experienced while having sex. Learn to enjoy all of
these, and you will enjoy the sexual experience on a higher plane.
5. Be open to new ideas. Sex can be so much more than simple vaginal
penetration with a dick and/or oral sex. Anything the two of you decide to
do to/with each other is perfectly normal, as long as both of you are
willing participants, and it doesn’t harm or disturb anyone else (or destroy
anything of significant value! lol). Use toys, explore anal play, explore
some light bondage, biting, etc. No one decides what is normal for you other
than you. There is an old saying that the brain is the greatest sex organ.
This is true on many levels. Learn to use it to your advantage.
6. Learn *how* to have sex. There are a lot of nuances to having a
satisfying sexual encounter (outside the quick, raw fuck). Read up on
various techniques for pleasing your partner, and on new ideas for the two
of you to try. There are all kinds of different positions, different
techniques for performing oral, etc. The more you can please your partner,
the better *you* will be in bed (or wherever!). And who doesn’t want that?
7. Respect each other. A sexual relationship should be pleasing and
accommodating to both partners, not just one. Never force anything upon your
partner or ask him/her to do something he/she feels uncomfortable doing.
Understand each others’ limits and respect them. Do not be abusive or
condescending if one doesn’t wish to partake in a particular sexual
activity. Most of all don’t be selfish. A positive sexual encounter must be
pleasing to both sides in the equation.
8. For girls, have at least one sexual encounter with another girl.
And I mean more than just kissing and making out. Having sex with another
girl can be an intense experience. It occurs on an entirely different
emotional plane than sex with a guy. With a guy, there is always an innate
power struggle going on between the two partners (I’m not saying this is a
bad thing at all – quite the opposite). With two girls, that doesn’t happen.
There’s no rush, and as a general rule (esp. if you’ve followed rule # 2),
one girl knows where to touch another girl, how to touch, where to lick,
when to lick, etc. Not that it is necessarily better – just different.
There’s zero risk of pregnancy, little risk of STDs (still keep in mind Rule
# 1), and the experience may awaken you to new feelings and sensations that
you were previously unaware of. Once you know how to navigate your way
around another female body, you’ll know more about your body.
9. There’s nothing wrong with pre-marital sex. Marriage is simply a
legal/religious recognition of a commitment between two people. Not having
the piece of paper doesn’t negate the level of the commitment. If two people
truly are in love, there’s no legitimate need to wait until you are married
to experience the intense emotional connection that sex will bring. One
writer stated that marrying someone without having had sex with them would
be like marrying a stranger in a way. I agree with that. Many marriages do
not last because the two partners turned out not to be sexually compatible
with one another, but didn’t discover that until after they were married.
What a shame. If the two of you have different sexual expectations, wouldn’t
you rather know before you made a lifelong commitment?
10. Attempt to learn to be able to separate the emotional aspects of sex
from the physical aspects of sex. This, of course, will be controversial
with many people, but if you can learn to not need the deep emotional
attachment to someone to have sex with them, it will open up opportunities
for you to enjoy your sexuality when you are not in a committed relationship
(or if it is amenable to both partners if you are in one). I’m not
advocating sex with random people at all. There will be times, however, when
you feel a strong sense of chemistry with someone, and would love to enjoy
the one-night stand or a quickie. If you are not cheating on someone, then I
see nothing wrong with this. It can serve as a much needed release of sexual
energy and/or tension.
One person has commented on this article.  1. UntitledJ, UnregisteredI agree with all of these, 100%. I am a teenager and I appreciate this site for not being full of all that "don't do it" crap. It's good to just know the facts about things. |
Caitlain's Sexual Tao 
