Caitlain's Corner

Sex Education

Bisexuality

Bisexuality has a variety of different meanings, depending upon who you ask. The standard definition of a bisexual is someone who is comfortable having sexual relations with people of both genders. Some people have the attitude that you have to be willing to engage in a committed, emotion-based relationship with people of both sexes to be a true bisexual, and still others refuse to accept that having sex with people of both sexes without the emotional attachment makes you anything other than “straight.”

By specific definition, however, if you can have or would have sex with members of both genders, you are bisexual. You may be “bi-curious” if you’re curious as to what it would be like and would seriously consider experimenting with someone of the same sex (or other sex if you are gay). At its core, however, bisexuality is about how you feel, not who you sleep with.

Am I Bisexual?

The truth is, only you will be able to answer this question. As I describe in other articles on this web site, sexuality tends to be much more fluid than a lot of people believe. Today, you may be perfectly willing to try something with the gender you don’t normally see yourself with. Tomorrow, you may find that the idea holds little interest for you at all. As Kinsey has theorized, your sexuality may fluctuate from time to time as you move through life.

The only way to truly know if you are bisexual is to experiment with sexual activity with members of both genders. Many do this and discover that they are fully comfortable having a sexual relationship with either gender, and would consider themselves to be bisexual. Others discover that it was not what they had hoped for and come to the decision that they are straight or gay. The article “Am I Gay” has just as much relevance to a bisexual as it does to someone who might be asking whether or not they are gay.

Being Bisexual

Being bisexual means that you can enjoy the best of both worlds when it comes to sex (to include the emotional and relationship aspects of that as well). Most bisexuals will, of course, only be with one partner at a time, so they may be seen as “straight” when they are with someone of the opposite sex, or “gay” if they are with someone of the same sex. Obviously, there’s no way to tell by looking at someone that they are bisexual.

You will find pressure from both sides to deny your bisexuality and “pick a side.” It is sad that narrow minded people can view sexuality on such a narrow construct, but it does happen. You have to realize that only you can determine who you are or are not attracted to, and then decide whether or not to act upon those feelings. You are in control of your own sexuality, not anyone else.

Being bisexual does not necessarily mean that have an equal preference for both sexes. In fact, as you go through time, you may find that you are more attracted to one sex at one point, and that shifts to the other sex at some point in the future. Most bisexuals will have a marked preference for one sex or the other, however.

You may find yourself in a position where you are “bisexual” because you think it is “cool.” This is the case in many high school girls especially. Some activities, such as kissing other girls are not truly representative of bisexuality, however. If you go to the extent of having a sexual relationship with another female, you are bisexual whether you believe you are or not as I see it. That may change at some point, but it remains a fact at the time. Playing bi to get attention is not really any different than any other attempt to garner attention for the most part, but it may engender harsh feelings from those who truly are bisexual.

Can you be bisexual and be monogamous?

Of course you can. A bisexual deciding to be monogamous is not deciding to be "gay" or "straight." He/she is still bisexual; he/she has chosen someone to be with, not an orientation, preference or ideology. It is important to recognize that he/she still feels bisexual. There’s no reason a bisexual person cannot be just as monogamous as a straight or gay person.

Biphobia and Resentment from Gays/Straights

For many straight people, bisexuals represent “greed” in that they can’t decide which gender they want to be with, or want to be able to have it all. This neglects the fact that most bisexuals, like straights and gays, are monogamous in their relationships. There are some bisexuals that may choose to have partners of both sexes simultaneously, though.

For many gays, bisexuals represent someone who has not yet come to terms with the fact that they truly are gay. For many, this weakens the argument that being gay is not a choice, but a predetermined condition. Of course, they neglect to consider that being bisexual is just as valid a “condition” as being gay or straight is.

For many high school girls, being bisexual is “cool” with the guys, but many of the “straight” girls will consider you to be a lesbian, and you’ll be called names like “dyke” “lezzie” and many of the other disparaging names used to call out girls who are gay. For this reason, many girls who recognize their bisexuality in high school tend to hide it until after they graduate. Once you get into college, you’ll find that many more people (of both sexes) tend to be freer and more willing to experiment with their sexuality, and this can be a time of great personal enlightenment.

Summary

The only way you will know for sure if you are truly bisexual is to experiment with both sexes and see how things play out. If it turns out that you are, then embrace it and enjoy the added variety it will bring to your life. If it turns out that you aren’t, then you will know for sure that you aren’t, and that is fine as well.

If you are bisexual, you’ll need to be prepared to deal with all of the issues that go along with it, such as people who do not truly understand what it means to be bisexual. You’ll deal with people who think it is really cool that you can screw anyone on the planet, and those who think you are an outcast among outcasts. Just remember that the only person you are responsible to concerning your sexuality is you. As long as you are true to yourself, then nothing else matters!

Readers have left 3 comments.

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Guest User, Unregistered

I found this article helpful seeing as I am trying to understand my husband's bisexuality better. I still do not understand what the attraction is all about and I am sure I never will seeing as I am not a man. This helps me understand that it is an actual sexual identity.