Caitlain's Corner

Sex Education

Foreplay

Foreplay is the activity that precedes sexual intercourse, designed to stimulate and arouse the participants. This includes things such as kissing/making out, body exploration, massage, etc. Some people consider manual and oral stimulation to be a form of foreplay as well.

A couple engaged in foreplay

Foreplay is almost invariably an essential element of great sex – it would be hard for both partners to fully enjoy sexual activities without being sufficiently aroused to do so, especially for women. Arousal doesn't just happen with the flick of a switch. In fact, the single greatest mistake most guys make when it comes to having sex with a female is the lack of sufficient foreplay to arouse her enough to thoroughly enjoy sex.   And, if she doesn't enjoy the sex that much, it won't be as enjoyable for you as it could be, guaranteed.   If you and your partner can master the art of foreplay, then you will be rewarded with much more enjoyable sex.

Foreplay does not only or necessarily have to be something that takes place right before sex is to occur.   For example, you can flirt or tease each other throughout the day with text messages, erotic chat, e-mails or phone play; all of which may lead to "regular" foreplay when you finally hook up with your partner that afternoon or evening. If you're going out on a date, the clothes you wear (or neglect to wear, including underwear, for example), the perfume/cologne you use, etc., could be seen as a form of foreplay - an enticement or suggestion of things to come later in the evening.

What actually constitutes foreplay is entirely subjective, and will vary from person to person. For example, a simple kiss on the lips may be seen as foreplay by one partner, but not the other. Therefore, the secret to understanding foreplay is learning what buttons to push on your partner to achieve that state of arousal necessary to attain the best sexual experience possible.

Some examples of foreplay include:

- Kissing

- Fondling your partner's body though/under their clothes

- Dry humping, or grinding genitals together

- Erotic massage

- Undressing your partner, or stripping for him/her

- Stimulation of your partner's genitals through direct contact (hands, tongue, other parts of your body).   This may include masturbation for your partner, or mutual masturbation (simultaneous masturbation of each other).

- Using toys and other materials such as food, ice cubes, candle wax, flavored or warming lubricants, etc. to stimulate your partner.

- Dirty talk may be used to enhance foreplay

- Playing erotic games, such as strip poker

- Showering/Bathing together

- Slapping, biting or other light forms of pain infliction can be very arousing

- Sexual role play, including BDSM activities may be used as foreplay

- Voyeurism, including watching pornographic material (assuming you can legally do that, of course!)

A couple kissing in the shower

Foreplay can also be enhanced by setting the desired mood. Some people enjoy sex with the lights on, some like them off, and still others may enjoy just a dim light.   Candle light, for example, often sets a seductive or erotic mood, and can enhance foreplay considerably. You might also experiment with a variety of scents (candles, aromatic dispensers, incense, etc.).   Studies have shown, for example, that many women find the scent of vanilla to be arousing, so adding an aromatic candle with a vanilla scent may help.   Music may also be used to enhance the mood, and that mood may change from situation to situation. For example, when you want to "make love" you may use some soft, sensual music, and when you're both wanting a raw, hard fuck, you may prefer something with a driving beat.

There is no specific order of "things to be done" that comprise "foreplay," nor is there a "right way" to do it. There is also no set amount of time that foreplay is supposed to last – it lasts until the two of you decide to stop or take it further.   That may be a few minutes, or it may last all day.   Generally speaking, however, the longer foreplay takes, the more arousal builds, and the more intense sexual activities become.   Unless you're in a hurry, there is no hurry.

Part of getting to the point where you begin to have sex with a partner is exploring what makes them feel good, what turns them on and what buttons to push (and in what order) to achieve the greatest level of arousal in them.   Since every person is different in that respect, there is no magic list of procedures you follow to "do" foreplay. And, as I've suggested on many occasions, learning to communicate with your partner about what makes you feel good and what doesn't is the single greatest thing you can do to enhance your sex life.   This is true for foreplay as well.

You need to be able to "read" your partner as you progress through foreplay. Some things will turn them on at one point and perhaps not at another.   You should be alert to the signs your partner gives you that s/he is enjoying or being stimulated by what you are doing, and react accordingly. Sometimes your partner may want something done softly and slowly, and other times may want it done rough and quick. Spend some time here and other places on the Internet or the book store learning about techniques that can be used, and add them to your list to experiment with during your next sexual encounter.   If your partner enjoys it, add it to your sexual repertoire. If not, you've experimented and it didn't work out, but you still get brownie points for trying something new.   This is a perfect way to get an understanding of what your partner likes and doesn't like, and contributes greatly to your ability enhance sexual enjoyment for both yourself and your partner.