Being a teenager is not an easy thing.
During this time of your life you will be
faced with many difficult decisions. One of
the most important of these will be the
decision of whether or not to have sex.
Having sex with someone is not a decision
you should take lightly – it can involve
many unintended consequences: pregnancy,
diseases, relationship problems, etc.
Sex
can be a wonderfully fulfilling component of
a relationship, but only if both partners
are completely ready for it. If either of
you is not 100% sure that you are ready for
that major step, then you should put off
doing it until you are. Neither person
should try to pressure the other one into
doing something he/she is not ready for.
The point about both partners being ready is
not to be taken lightly. One person trying
to pressure another one into doing something
that they don’t want to do indicates a lack
of respect for that person and for the
relationship. If you are in a relationship
in which your partner is trying to pressure
you into having sex (or any other act that
you are unwilling to perform), you should
give serious consideration to ending it.
While it is far more common for guys to try
to pressure girls into sex, it is becoming
more common for girls to pressure the guys
as well. This is not just a “guy” problem
like common perception says it is.
Regardless, you need to be prepared to say
“No” if and when it gets to that point!
Here are some suggestions to help you convey
your decision about waiting for sex to your
partner:
1
If you are in a serious
relationship, you should consider that
at some point, the subject of sex will
come up, and you should be prepared to
discuss it and how far you are willing
to go or not go.
2
Say “No” as many times as necessary
to get your point across. Make sure you
communicate your point clearly, and make
sure your body language helps convey
that you are serious. Don’t put on a
playful, teasing demeanor if your first
indications about not wanting to do it
are ignored.
3
Be prepared for lines like
“Everybody else is doing it,” and have
appropriate responses ready (“I’m not
everybody else. I don’t have to do it
because everyone else is.” See below for
more response suggestions).
4
If you see your relationship
becoming more serious over time, talk to
your partner about your position on sex
before it gets to be one of those “heat
of the moment” situations. Your partner
should respect your wishes and not put
you into a position where it would
become a problem for you if you’ve
communicated your position clearly at
the outset.
5
If your partner continues to
pressure you to have sex, you must
realize that he/she does not respect
your wishes, and that indicates a lack
of respect for you as a person. Do you
truly want to engage in sex with someone
like that? Simply walk away. If he/she
continues to persist, then you need to
end the relationship.
Point # 5 is the most important one - if
your partner does not respect your
wishes about sex, then why would you want to
continue in a relationship with them?
What if lose my boyfriend/girlfriend?
This is a valid concern, but a misplaced
one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend would
leave you because you won’t have sex with
them, then they never truly respected you to
begin with, and you lose nothing except a
misguided relationship if that occurs. When
you consider that teenage relationships very
rarely last into marriage to begin with,
what have you lost by not having sex with
someone who didn’t respect you to begin
with?
Rebuttals to common lines
(This is written as if a guy were the one
applying pressure. Obviously, this can be
gender-switched if necessary)
Him: You would if you loved me. You: If you loved me, you wouldn't pressure
me.
Him: Everybody else is doing it. You: I'm not everybody else. I thought you
were with me because I'm different.
Him: Are we ever going to have sex? You: Are you ever going to respect my
decision to wait? I thought you cared about
me.
Him: If you really love me, you'll prove it. You: If you really love me, you'll prove it
by waiting.
Him: I have needs. You: Me too. I need to know that you care
enough to wait.
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Last Updated ( Sunday, 05 November 2006 )
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Recommended Reading
Teen
Love: On Relationships, A Book for Teenagers
Kimberly
Kirberger, 1999
Love is often a mystery to
teenagers - sometimes painful, other times glorious, always challenging.
This book will help you understand and sort out their myriad feelings and
experiences. This book is designed to guide you through the maze of
love and relationships in a gentle, understanding and compassionate way.
