Caitlain's Corner

One of the most important moments in a new relationship involves that first kiss. Once you’ve gotten your very first “first kiss” it gets easier, but that very first kiss and the decision of when to take that step can be a great source of anxiety for a lot of people. While the first kiss will be one of the most important steps in the development of a relationship, it is not *the* thing that will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. You will, hopefully, get many more chances to practice your kissing skills. And, while it may seem complicated, there really is no need to “practice” kissing - it will come naturally to you once you actually start doing it.

When is it the right time to kiss?
This will be determined by how far along your relationship is, and the experience of the person you are dating. If this is the first kiss for your partner as well, they will be just as nervous about it as you are. For most dating couples, the first kiss will come at the conclusion of the first or second date, just as the two of you are saying your goodnight. Of course, it may also occur at any point while out on your date as well. Basically, there is no set point in time where you can point out “this is the time I need to kiss” your partner. You two will come face to face with each other, and you should be able to read each other’s “vibes” and it will just “feel” like the right time to move in for that kiss.

A great way to know if you can go in for the first kiss (for guys), is to start fiddling with her hair, but lower, like around her neck. Compliment her on it and see her reaction, just to make sure it's good. If she ever looks at you, try to keep eye contact but look at her lips breifly, then back at her eyes. If she hasn't stopped you, you're in the clear!

How do you kiss? The Basics!
You should be fairly close to each other’s faces, either because you are talking quietly to each other, or because you’ve moved in with the intent of delivering that kiss.

Position your head such that it is slightly tilted to one side or the other of your partner’s head, and slowly move your mouth toward your partner’s mouth. Make sure your movements are fairly slow and graceful, not jerky. Keep your mouth closed as you move closer.

When your lips are about an inch or so from your partner’s, slightly part your lips and close your eyes. Don’t close them too soon, lest you miss your mark! When your lips make contact with his, just begin *slowly* mashing your lips against your partner's. Every so often, change your head position and mush some more. Remember to do all of this slowly – otherwise you’ll damage the intimacy of the moment.

Remember to breathe during the kissing! You should breathe through your nose, and make sure you control it so that you don’t hyperventilate!

How long should it last? The basic, first kiss should probably last around 5-10 seconds or so. After a few seconds of this, pull back and open your eyes and look into your partner’s eyes. You should see them brightened up and anxious for you to return kissing them. Feel free to do so (assuming that *is* what you see! lol)

What do you do if your partner pulls back and rejects your first kiss? First of all, don't get overly embarrassed about it. Different people move at different speeds when it comes to the progression of steps in a relationship. A kiss is a very intimate thing, and your partner may simply not be ready for that step. Just apologize to him/her, and complete your good night. Wait for your next opportunity to try again. You might consider waiting until your partner hints that they are ready for the first kiss.

Who makes the first move? Though in our society it is more common for the guy to make the first move toward a kiss, it is just as acceptable for girls to take the lead as well. Basically, there is no protocol for who gets to make the first move. In order for it to feel right, one or the both of you must get to the point where you can sense that the other one is ready to be kissed. Who actually initiates it is largely irrelevant.

The French Kiss!
At some point, maybe during your first kiss, maybe later, you’ll want to begin using your tongue while you kiss. The best way to start out is to allow your tongue to *gently* and *slowly* dart out to meet your partner’s lips. If your partner is willing to join in with his tongue, then he should reciprocate by darting his out as well. Then, you basically caress each other’s tongues with your own tongue.

Once you get accustomed to that, you can begindoing things such as sucking on each other’s tongues, lightly licking, nibbling or biting your partner’s lips, and just generally allowing your tongues to explore each other’s mouths.

Again, after several seconds (or perhaps a minute or more) of this, pull back and open your eyes and look into your partner’s eyes. Hopefully, it was a mutually enjoyable experience for the both of you – one that you’ll want to enjoy again and again, and you should move back in and begin kissing again!

Make sure you’ve addressed any bad breath issues you might have. If only one of you has eaten something with garlic in it, the other one *will* smell it on your breath, and garlic breath is offensive. The same is true for smokers. In either case, pop a breath mint or something prior to the time you expect to take that huge step. Kissing someone with mouth odor can be pretty gross.

Make sure your lips are not dry and/or chapped. Use some Chapstick, lip gloss or other moisturizer on your lips to make sure they’re soft and supple and ready to be kissed. Girls – do not have on major amounts of lipstick. Even the “kissable” lipsticks will come off on his lips in a passionate kiss, and it may be hard for him to get it off.

Swallow every once in a while – don’t let the kiss get too sloppy this early on in the game! Drooling on a first kiss is bad form!

What do you do with your hands? Again, this is determined by how close you’ve gotten. Typically, I suggest that you place one or both hands on your partner’s hips to begin with. As your kisses become more passionate, you can move your arms around to their back and/or use them to caress their body while you’re kissing – whatever is comfortable between the two of you. Don’t, on your first kiss, use your hands to cup her chin or hold her face, etc. (that’s pretty cheesy). If you like, you can hold your partner’s hands while you kiss.

Advanced Kissing
As you become more passionate in your kisses, you can use your mouth, lips and tongue to explore other parts of your partner’s face, neck, etc. Break off the kiss gently, and begin kissing around their cheek, and down along the cheekbone to their neck and behind their ear. This will frequently send chills down their spine!

Move your hand up through your partner’s hair, and pull their face into yours *gently* to make the kisses a little more intense.

Break off the kiss on occasion to tell your partner “you taste delicious” (if it is true). This is an awesome compliment in the heat of the moment.

Vary the speed and intensity of the kisses. Occasionally speeding up what you’re doing with your tongue for just a second or two, and then resuming a normal, relaxed speed brings some variation to your kissing technique.

Intoxicate yourself with your partner! While you’re moving your kisses around their neck and behind their ears, use your sense of smell to enjoy your partner’s scent. Your partner may have a natural scent, or may be wearing a light perfume/body spray that will allow you to enjoy adding the sense of smell to your kissing experience.