As we grow into adolescence, and our ability to recognize that we
have a sexual attraction or feelings toward others, we begin to find
ourselves "attracted" to another person for some unknown reason. If
we let this simmer for a little while, it can develop into what is
called a "crush." Some people (esp. adults) often refer to it as
puppy love if it involves two younger people. Although one
normally associates crushes with young teenagers, they can occur at
any age. Even adults develop crushes on other people as they go
through life (they just don't call them "crushes").
Is there a difference between infatuation and a crush?
Sort of. An infatuation is a preoccupation with someone (in
terms of relationships), and is generally the "pre-arrival" stage
before the development of a full blown crush. When you're
infatuated with someone, you're paying more attention to what they
do, but they do not necessarily occupy all of your thoughts. A
crush takes this to just such a level – all of your spare time is
spent thinking about your crush and wondering what it would be like
to do A, B, or C with them.
A crush = temporary love; love = a
permanent crush
How do you know if you have a crush on someone?
The most common sign of a crush is the fact that you
get butterflies or the "warm and fuzzies" when the object of your
crush is nearby. Initially, this may seem to be "love" to you, but
of course that isn't possible, since no relationship has formed
yet. Having said that, though, the feelings are real for the person
having the crush, so you shouldn't necessarily listen to someone who
suggests that you're imagining things. You just need to make sure
that you manage your feelings appropriately.
Most crushes develop when you notice someone that attracts your
attention in some way, either through physical attraction, something
that they do that you notice, or an attitude that they have that
piques your interest. When you're crushing on someone, you tend to
notice all of the positive things about them, and (usually) none of
the negatives. Infatuations (and by extension, crushes) occur when
you have a passion for someone, but lack the commitment and intimacy
to compose a true relationship.
Crushes are a normal part of relationship development, occurring on
the front end of a developing relationship with another person. It
is one of the steps that allow you to discover the kind of person
you'd like to be in a relationship with, in fact. By definition,
crushes and infatuations tend to be transient – they don't last long
at all. Most end as you begin to see the negatives in a person, or
realize that a relationship with them is not viable (for whatever
reason). You'll go through several crushes as you begin to take an
interest in potential romantic partners. Some may go on to develop
into full-blown relationships; while others will simply pass into
the realm of your life experiences as memories.
Crushes do not last long unrequited. If a relationship does not
evolve from it, then it will dissolve because it is not a "real"
relationship and you become bored with it.
What should I do if I have a crush on someone?
The first issue you need to address is whether or not a
relationship with the object of your crush is viable. If, as a
young teen for example, you have a crush on a teacher or someone
who's significantly older than you, it is impractical to believe
that a healthy, viable relationship can develop from it. In such a
case, you'd need to channel your energies in another direction –
find someone else that can capture your attention.
If there is some potential for a realistic relationship, your next
step would be to communicate the fact that you are enamored with
your crush to him/her. You do this through getting to know them
better, flirting with them perhaps and, hopefully, asking them out
on a date (if that is appropriate for your age). As with the
development of any relationship, though, you need to be prepared for
the worst-case scenario. You may find that the object of your
infatuation doesn't feel the same way as you do. You'll need to be
prepared to accept that and move on.
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Last Updated ( Sunday, 05 November 2006 )
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