One of the most anxious times for any guy is when he wants to ask a
girl out on that first date. Very few things strike such fear in a
guy’s heart and soul. Though at first it may seem intimidating, if
you’ve followed the advice in the Flirting 101 article, you should
be friendly enough with your intended date to be comfortable at
least broaching the subject. Flirting communicates in a subtle
(hopefully) way that you are interested in her, so if you’ve done it
correctly and she’s reciprocated, she should be expecting you to ask
her out by this point.
Hopefully, you’ve gotten to know the girl a little bit before you
ask her out. This means more than just the occasional “hello” in the
hallways. You should’ve spent some time chatting with her to find
out what kind of interests she has and what kinds of things she
likes. You shouldn’t expect a positive response if you’ve only
exchanged pleasantries in the hallways a couple of times before you
ask her out on a date. Again, one of the best ways to get to know
her is to flirt with her for a little bit before you decide to take
the step of asking her out.
The way you carry yourself will have a major bearing on your success
in most cases. It is hard to project an air of self-confidence, but
you must come off as if you know what you’re doing and, more
importantly, that you mean it when you ask her out. What is the
worst that can happen if she says “no?” She says “no,” right? Sure,
you may suffer some minor embarrassment of a hit to your self
esteem, but you will recover. So even in the worst case, you only
suffer a temporary blow to your ego, and that will heal in time – it
is not like having an arm amputated.
What do girls look for in a guy?
Generally speaking, one of the most commonly described attributes
that girls identify when asked what they like most in a guy is a
sense of humor. If you can keep a girl laughing, you’ll keep her
interest and have a much better chance of success with her. Girls
also look for a guy who possesses self confidence – one who carries
himself like he knows what he’s doing, but does so without appearing
to be cocky or arrogant. Sure some girls are more interested in
looks initially, but, again, if you’ve been flirting with her, she
should’ve gotten over any issue with your appearance and become
somewhat attracted to your incredible personality!
Asking for that first date:
Almost invariably, you should ask her out in a face-to-face
situation. Although it is becoming more common to IM or text message
each other, asking someone out from a distance is pretty cheesy.
This tells her that you are too chicken to ask her to her face.
There’s no magical trick to it – just be yourself and ask her if
she’d like to go out with you in a normal voice. Don’t use silly
pick-up lines, either. Something like, “Hey, would you like to go to
a movie with me Friday night?” works wonders in most cases. You
could also vary that a little and be somewhat indirect. Ask, “Hey,
I’m going to a movie Friday night. Would you like to come along?”
This might help if you’re not fairly certain that she would go out
with you, since it lets you make like it was not a formal date
invitation.
If she accepts, smile, and be sure you have something in mind for
you two to do on your date. If you’ve done your homework and know
what she likes, you should’ve prepared a couple of ideas about
things you could do. For a first date, a movie is always an
excellent idea, as are ball games or other sporting events. If you
have a car and can drive, then you may even suggest going out to eat
in addition. It doesn’t generally have to be anything fancy, either.
If you’re in school, you could ask her to go to lunch at the Student
Union or a nearby restaurant perhaps to break the ice.
If she says no, then you should be prepared to keep a straight face
and just accept that she’s turned you down. Don’t get mad at her –
she may have a number of reasons that she doesn’t want to go out
with you, none of which she is obliged to tell you. Just accept that
she has said that she doesn’t wish to go out with you and leave it
at that. Which is not to say that you shouldn’t necessarily try
again after you’ve gotten to know her some more (if you’re in a
position to do that).
Alternatively, you could ask her out on a “group date” For instance,
if a group of you and your friends want to go to the movies on
Friday night, say “Hey, a group of us are going to see [movie name]
Friday night. Would you like to come along?” This might allow her to
feel more comfortable being with a group if she has any hesitancy
about going out alone with someone, and if she says no, then it too
allows you to save face by not having asked directly for a “date.”
It is a great idea to rehearse exactly how you want to ask her out,
and think of how you’ll react in the event she accepts or not, or if
she tells you that she can’t for the day or even that you have in
mind (which suggests that she might be willing to go out with you at
a future point in time). If you have a sister you might consider
asking her for advice or suggestions, or for help with your approach
(practice asking on her).
Other Factors to Consider:
You’ll need to consider how old she is and how her parents might
react to her going out. Different parents have different ideas about
allowing their daughters to go out and may not allow their 14, 15 or
even older daughter go out on dates.
Transportation will be another big issue if neither of you is old
enough to drive nor has a car. In that case either a parent or a
friend will need to be available to take you to your date location.
For a first date with girls under 18, you should *always* meet her
parents first, even if they don’t specifically request that you meet
them before you take their daughter out. This shows maturity and
respect for them, and will give them a warm and fuzzy about you
having their little girl out for the evening (hopefully).
Don’t wait until Thursday or Friday to ask her out for the weekend,
since she may already have plans for the weekend at that point. Ask
her out earlier in the week if you want to go out on Friday or
Saturday at the end of the week you’re asking. Consider how far in
advance you’ll need to ask her out if it is a special event such as
a dance or major concert.
Although these are written with the idea that a guy will be asking a
girl out for a date, it is really not gender-specific. Either sex
can ask either sex out using this information.
If she says no, how many times should you re-approach her for a
date? That is a tough question to answer. If she really has no
interest in going out with you at all, hopefully, she’ll let you
know this the first time you ask her and won’t just brush you off
ambiguously. If she’s truly interested in going out with you, she
*should* give you an indication as to when she will be available for
a future date. In the absence of clarity on the matter, though, if
she does not accept on the second attempt, it might be wise to
re-evaluate your situation with respect to pursuing a dating
relationship with her (unless she hints otherwise, of course).
